Dear friends, here is what I propose we do on Saturday, February 8, 2025, 5 pm:
- Drinks (what to bring + setup) and chat, during which we decide on the first game, either suggested buy you Telestrations or drawing each other (I had 2 "please no" for any drawing), or as I offered initially, we write down the most fun, inquisitive, or outrageous questions for an introductory game, anonymously if preferred (see rules below).
You all can give me your critique on my almost finished painting "Tonic Masculinity" - a small abstract with some nudity. And offer your creation for our scrutiny and joy :) - Play a quick game. Some of us will meet each other for the first time, so before
you answer your first questionyour first action, please share your favorite things to do in a short introduction. - Discuss Friendship vs Counseling, and/or play other games some of us will bring (for now these are Cards Against Humanity, Wingspan or Clue).
If there are many of us, we can play pantomime-pictionary with word-cards I have.
A message from Jim: I'm sure many of you are feeling as worried and upset as we are about recent political developments. However, we have decided that - instead of withdrawing indefinitely - an effective antidote is to occasionally surround ourselves with like-minded friends. To that end, we would like to cordially invite you to a get-together at our home.
Rules of the question game: pull one, answer, respond with clarifications, choose someone to answer the same question, and repeated until someone decides that the next person should draw a new question.
I want to make fresh lemonade again: the tree decided to have lemons this winter. I'll also make a hibiscus-lavender-rosemary tea, the last two have started blossoming now.
For now, 11 13 15 confirmed.
See you soon! Let me know if you have a nice playlist for the background music.
Definitions for the Discussion
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Friendship, as understood here, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other’s sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy.
According to Britannica, friendship is a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust and has these defining features:
- involves a series of interactions between individuals,
- recognized by all members of the relationship,
- is a reciprocated affection,
- not obligatory,
- same amount of power or authority in the relationship,
- companionship,
- shared activities.
The American Friendship Project (2024): Americans long for greater closeness with friends, over 40% felt they were not as close to their friends as they would like; nearly half agreed that it is difficult to make friends.
PBS (2024): American men are stuck in what’s been dubbed a friendship recession, with 20 percent of single men now saying they don’t have any close friends.
Merriam-Webster defines counselling as professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods.
Psychology Today describes therapy as a form of treatment aimed at relieving distress and mental health problems, provided by professionals
Why I Chose this Topic
Friendship vs Counseling (or Talk Therapy)
About 10 years ago, I noticed that some people around me started mentioning their therapists. I thought, how great that people had this option to solve mental issues. Then, I heard more about discussing relationships with "mental health providers" and following their advice, and not of friends. Later, several people with whom I was in coordination excused their being absent, late, or unable to continue with various diagnoses they received. And I mean not by psychiatrists or psychologists, just by someone with MA or a social worker. For example, if depression, then not clinical, or if anxiety, then not a debilitating disorder, simply being anxious. People did not try the most obvious ways to feel better - sleep, move, eat healthy - even if it was obvious they needed it.
When I started reading books and watch videos on psychology to help myself understand what happened in my past relationships, I discovered how little I knew still, but also how some people, including in my real life, (mis)used therapeutic language where it was not necessary.
A few years ago, with my new insights and after frustration about available MFA programs (for Master of Fine Art degree) and several encounters with counselors, I considered becoming an art therapist. I decided not to do it for a bunch of reasons, but the submersion into this profession and what is happening behind the scenes made me sad. The diagnostic requirements by insurances, the note-keeping, the attitude of some who go into the profession - all that, plus personal observations, gave me a feeling similar to that I get when corporations call themselves your family.
Are friendships being partially monetized, and to which extent? Is trusting paid and externally regulated individuals safer than your peers, and when it becomes reasonable?
Do people around me think you should not bother your friends with your troubles with people and life? Yes they do, and now I find myself internalizing this notion: how could I inconvenience a friend? Wouldn't they think: why haven't I turn to a professional, why do I put this mental load on them, and why should they provide me with emotional labor?
Oversharing is real, but what is the commonly accepted rule to be socially safe in what you share with a friend? My biggest concern though is that many possible friends expecting me to act as their counselor instead of a friend: just listen and do not express your opinion on the matter, however respectfully.
To be continued.
